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<a href="Pin It” title=”I am now on Pinterest.”>I am now on Pinterest.

I really am very new to Pinterest-but I’m willing to branch out from FB and figure out other things.  It seems like it could take forever to build so I can’t guarantee that there will be a lot to see, but HERE IT IS.  So far, Places I NEED to go (or at least look at in pictures). 

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Circular Thinking. Dare to Ride?

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Grabbed my glasses this morning and began to work on my cases.  Typed, typed and typed some more.  Felt like I might go blind at times, but I continued to reach the end of my day of cases.  It’s sometimes taxing to stare at the computer so long, and my eyes will probably never thank me.  I know that they are struggling to see what is necessary, but I sometimes, wish I could see things put in front of me that are not really seen.  I have to question this whole line of thinking and frankly I don’t know where I’m going on this thought process.  It’s so perplexing and a tad bit bizarre.  Right now, I see clearly what is in front of me, if it’s tangible, but I wonder if I am not seeing the intangible, that needs to be seen clearly as well.  What do I need to do to view with a vision that sees the real and important and notice what my part in the whole grand scheme of things is.  Pondering never fails to amaze me.  Sometimes it’s so deep, and other times, I’m just completely happy being very shallow.  Hope this doesn’t sound too wierd or completely unorganized, althought I know it is.  Maybe it’s just a way for me to be closer to finding answers, rather than allow myself to just assume there’s nothing to know.  God always has a thought for me.  It’s as easy to find as a thought for the day calendars.  I just need to be looking.  Using my eyes and ears, sometimes, just my heart to see the view He has put before me.  I’m really tired right now and the way that this is coming out is so foreign.  The language seems English, but there is something so unattainable about my words.  I can’t get them out in the right order, but I know what I mean.  I guess that’s good.

On another note, it never ceases to amaze me.  My son has packed away a ton of Bible verses in his little head.  Every night, he lays in his bed, and recites about 20 Bible verses.  He has had to learn them at his 4K class.  They send a new one each week with the letter they are studying.  It’s a fabulous way to immerse a child in the word of God.  So far, he has passed me up and I am more than anything, stunned, but very proud.  The cool thing is that we can either say the first word and he’ll just rattle it off with the reference, or we say the reference and then he tells the verse.  It’s crazy how he has so much in his head.  I wish I was that way.  He learns it so quickly and it’s just in him.  He will never not know a time that he didn’t know those verses.  WOW.  How much wasted time goes into a child that they could be learning these things instead of what they know backwards and forwards, like video games or music.  It’s so crazy to think that my little 4 year-old can recite more verses than me.  Sad.  I have to say.  I’m a bit challenged by this.  I think it would benefit me just as much, if not more, to learn verses.  I should be putting myself in the place of reading a specific verse every week, learn it, apply it and know it.  Could I do that?  Yes.  That’s actually not the issue.  It’s more about whether I will do it.  I want to.  That’s not even the question.  I do want to absorb the words.  I want them to be solid in my heart, and I want them to be so easily regurgitated that when I have to present the gospel, it’s just second nature to recite the verses that lead a person to my Lord.  It really shouldn’t be that stressful to memorize, but I seem to have a problem with application and execution.  This year, I am vowing to take a verse a week and memorize, learn, apply, and be able to recite on the spot.  It’s not too far-fetched.  I have a brain.  It’s filled with a ton of useless knowledge.  Stuff that really makes no bearing on any part of my life except the fact that I really rock at Trivial Pursuit.  Now, that’s a blessing, I know, but does it mean I’m closer to God?

Experiencing The Important!

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I sat through an amazing experience last night.  It was not so much an experience I am new to, but one that has been lacking in my life.  You see, we went to church last night to see the vision for ThatChurch of Cabot.  I am so thrilled at what is going to go on there, and at how the Lord is going to move through that city in a magical, miraculous way.   I am thrilled for Trina and Keith and their children.   I want so badly to be in that type of environment at church.  One where there is no exclusion.  One where the purpose is to love the lost and grab the lost to bring them in, so that they don’t miss out on the opportunity to experience a love beyond anything they can fathom.  One where the people love to hear the Lord speak and they allow the Spirit to fill that place.  One where the music fills the hearts of the people (it can’t help but do that because it’s so loud), but this is a place that you are communicating with God and it doesn’t matter what else is going on around you.  You are open to hearing the words that are being spoken through God, to you, and you have the opportunity to feel His presence, not just in the areas around you, but in your own being.  It’s amazing to feel.  The beats of the drums and the guitars and the words are all one as the Lord talks to you and tells you things you may or may not have known, but needed to hear again and again.  He spills out His love and you are filled in such a way that tears run from your eyes and you feel as if your heart might burst because the emotion is almost too much.  There is a Spirit who crawls into the tiny crevices of your hidden places that you really don’t want others to see, for fear that they might think less of you, and he releases you from that bondage.  You are free to worship, free to be open about the things that keep you bound and tied, free to hear Him say, “I love you because I love you, not for the things you do or don’t do, but because I made you.  I love you and forgive you; every time you fail, I forgive.  Every time you try to run from me, I will run to you and bring you back into the fold with complete acceptance.  I have sent my own baby to die in your place and that’s how much I love you.  I love you, I love you.  Do you get it?  I love you and you can’t change that, but I give you the opportunity daily to change your ways and make your days completely about me.  I am a jealous God and I don’t take the back seat gracefully.  I am a loving God who wants the very best for you and I will show you how to get to the place in your life that you can’t live one day without seeking me, talking to me, and listening to me.  Your radio is available to hear songs that praise me, you can shut off the TV and turn on your head, eyes, and ears and see my words talk right to you.  It’s a matter of when you do it, if you will do it.  I will be there like the father waiting for the son to come home.  You can’t do anything that will make me love you less.”

As I write this, it’s not something that I feel I never knew.  I knew it, but as a reminder to myself, I have to re-establish my daily walk.  The key is daily.  I have to do this daily.  Just like I have to wake up every morning and take a shower, fix myself up, and have my coffee, I should feel that need to seek the Lord.  It should be such a need that I can’t leave the house until it’s done.  I have the time to sit and do such trivial things that don’t matter, but when I neglect my creator, my best friend, the man who saved my life, my life is completely wasted for that day.  Just saying a quick prayer can be the best part of my day sometimes.  It is the one time I’ve called my friend and told Him what’s in my heart and how I want him to be a big part of anything I do. 

So, I pray that today I will take out my own selfish time and make it time for just me and my Lord; that I will seek to hear from him and get away from the things that take my eyes off of him.  I will get out of my own way and let Him through.  SPEAK, Lord, I hear you, I need you, and I desperately need your hand on me today. 

The fam

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I have the most amazing son. He is 4 1/2 and has the brains of a 7-year-old. He is so much fun and says the most hilarious things. He is funny without trying to be and really sometimes doesn’t know that what he just said sounds like something an adult would say. His hair is shiny, spiky, blonde, and it covers his perfect little head. He has the bluest eyes and up against his fair skin and pink lips, his eyes shine so bright. Maybe they are bright because he is just that bright. I love him so much. I love to watch him when he sleeps. His mouth is slightly open, his purr is low and slow, and his eyes are shut so calmly. The peace he is in at that time is just like it was when he was a baby. I loved those times, but I have to say, I really do enjoy this period of life with him, where I am the most important person to him and he wants me around. I know that since he is a boy, those times will flee so quickly and I have to make haste while the gettings are good. I can’t imagine what he will be. I can’t imagine how he will act. I can’t stand the idea of him leaving my home for college, or even worse, marriage. Although I want these things for him, I will never be able to get back the little boy that he is today. I wonder if I have wasted time that I could have with him on frivolous things. I really believe that sometimes I have ignored the presence of what could be a particularly special moment and just sat and watched him. I should be down there in the floor playing with him, reading to him, having him tell me all he wants to tell me. I vow today to not waste these moments and to strive to make more time out of what is given to me. He is so much fun. I have been so blessed.

I have a wonderful daughter. She is beautiful, 12, almost 13-years old and if she were to be classified, I would have to say a genius with potential; however, she wastes that potential on her ADD mind. She refuses to do so much better than she is capable of. I love to watch her when the mind is active and focused. She gets so much out of what she learns and it just spouts back out of her. I wish she could do that on tests. The other thing about my little girl is how little she really is. She is so small, medically so. She is on growth hormone shots and has to take them everyday. If the ADD wasn’t bad enough, she has to endure this daily. Then, she has braces. What more could she need? Well, I will tell you she could use me in her corner. I love her so much and see so much that she is and could be. I hope she knows how very valuable she is to our family. Being the middle child is not an easy thing, although we try not to make her feel that way. She is in cheerleading. She loves dancing, and she seems to always have friends. Thank goodness, she has friends at school. They aren’t even cruel to her about her size. That’s something. I can honestly say that friends or even enemies were not nice to me about my size. I truly value the small time I have left with her and as she gains wisdom, age, and height, I pray that she develops into the woman who God has planned for her and uses her gifts of sensitivity and mercy to do something great for Him.

I have a fabulous daughter who is much more like me than I guess I care to admit. She is 15-years-old and has this heart that just recently, I have seen turn into a heart for God. So, while being gorgeous on the outside, she is equally beautiful on the inside. She is smart, and I’m not just talking book smart, she is also wise. She leaves you wanting to hang out with her even more. Something I wish she would develop even more is her desire to be around her siblings. She is fickle when it comes to them and while I totally understand not wanting to always be around them, you never know if she going to want you around or not. When they are together, the laughter is raucous and quite fun to listen to. It makes me know for a fact how much these three love each other. I couldn’t ask for more than these three. So much to look forward to in the next few years. Better make them count!!!!!

 

Such Short Time

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Found out today how much I truly love my daughters.  It has just occurred to me that I have three short years with my oldest daughter home.  That came like a brick on the head to me today and I really teared up at the thought.  When I voiced it outloud to her, the tears became a flood and I wondered how short that time would really seem.  If these past 15 years have been this quick, I just can’t imagine how much speedier it will seem when it really is almost dreaded.  I do want her to get out and grow up and become her own person.  She does need to find her life after this house.  But, it seems so fast.  Just a few years ago, she was born in a hospital and I held her in my arms.  Just a few years ago, she was lying on my carpet grabbing after the dog, rolling over for the first time, and taking her first crawl.  Then her first steps.  Then her first run and then the time started slipping.  Just a few years ago, she was my daughter going to Kindergarten and I watched her walk into the classroom for the first time.  Just a few years ago, she got tired of me calling her baby and told me she was too old for that, and then her friends became her world.  I was just the mom who didn’t understand everything and I became the person who hindered her from taking “too big steps” into maturing.  I was the one who seemed to be on her case for good grades, clean rooms, helping out, and not ignoring her siblings.  Suddenly, she didn’t really want me around as much.  Though, I would never want to go back to the baby years, I really have to say, that some of these times, since we seem to be past some of the latter, are really fun.  She and I are communicating.   She trusts me and wants me to know what’s going on in her life.  IT IS AMAZING getting to know her in a different light.  Though I am still the MOM, I can definitely see us becoming friends as she gets older. 

My other daughter and I have not always seen things the same way,. but I see so much potential in her.  I can’t tell you how amazing she is.  She is so precious and merciful.  I love to watch her grow into a “Missionary-minded” daughter.  She has always been the type of child who picks out the most unloved or unwanted child and loves her regardless. I am proud of that fact.  It means that her heart of mercy is true and a gift from God.  She will do great things.  I have this picture of me holding her and her head is facing my shoulder.  All you can see is her little brown haired head.  It is beautiful and precious and my favorite picture of her.  I think it’s because the size of her head is so tiny and she is so trusting of me to take care of her and make her safe, make her grow up healthy and strong, make her a Godly woman, and lead her into the life in which she is going to be a great success.  She wants to be a veterinarian or a chef.  Great thoughts since I think both would take her to a place she is happy.  She loves both; cooking and animals.  No matter what she achieves in life, she will never be more special than she is to me now.  It will never change, the love I have for her.  She is so important to me.  I see her as a gift.  I am not blessed with the gift or mercy, but thank the Lord I married someone who is.  Apparently that gift passed onto her.  She has a heart for the weak.  She seeks to make things right and will go the extra mile to make sure people know how much they are welcome around her.  I love that.  I also have to be very cautious for her sake, when it comes to this, however.  She may get pulled under by someone who would take advantage of her “hospitality”.  I can only pray that she learns to be discerning and watch out for the vultures who could ruin her spirit.  She has a lot to offer others, but she needs to offer with caution. 

Thank you Lord for both of these AMAZING girls and for the amazing time I have with them.

Bigfoot and other goofy shows

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My 12-year-old has become completely fascinated with some show about Bigfoot trackers.  It’s a little dramatic and a lot happenstance.  I am concerned, however, as to whether this is really a beneficial show.  I mean, there are so  many better shows for her:  ie, Anything on Disney, Teen Nick and it’s bad morals, ABC Family which has some very questionable “family” shows, and of course, the Kardashians (I truly hope you can feel the sarcasm).  So, my point in writing this is not to down on all these shows, but to thank my lucky stars that at least I don’t have to hear canned laughter, or worry that she is seeing a lack of morals in teenagers lives, or even to understand why this family is so important to reality television.  How far has entertainment come that so much of what is on is, dare I say it, CRAP?  I don’t care for Jersey and it’s people on the shore, their Jerseylicious ways and obviously the ghastly amounts of makeup and hairspray they wear.  I don’t care about the housewives who have nothing better to do with their money and time, but to cause fights, act like immature and superficial brats, and spout rubbish.  What I see here, is the trend that America has become so fascinated with:  Yes, I am talking about people acting badly and it’s now “fun”.  I guess this is tame to women’s mud-wrestling, but the theme is the same; let it all hang out and let them see what you are made of.  Funny how bad behavior is so desired.  It is sad that America doesn’t really value the wholesom family values that made Cosby great TV.  No, now the only things we see regularly are agendas, raunchy behavior, dating and more dating, sleeping together casually, and acting all afool.  Yes, I said, afool.  I think that this is a sentiment on the way America has strayed from the normal and tried to become very inclusive of everything.  Bad behavior-very acceptable when you watch TV.  

So, with that said, I have to believe that this Bigfoot show, while goofy and over-dramatic, is absolutely harmless, if not educational (Loosely).  She has my blessings, although, I don’t really think I’ll join her.   We will connect more on any Food Network show.   That, my friends, is great television!!!

Ciao!

Are you there God? It’s me, Dawn.

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Hey.  How long has it been since I’ve written here?  I know it’s been a long time, and I honestly haven’t got any great excuse.   I wonder if that’s what God must think, “Gee, now she’s back.  Long lost child tries to come back and make like we’ve been in constant communication.  What does she think?  I’m just waiting on pins and needles for her return.  Wrong, I think not!  I am God, I am the Lord, and I don’t have to wait for anyone!” 

But, I know better.  He is waiting on me.  He is waiting on time and communication from me.  He is waiting on me to say I still want a relationship with him.  It’s hard as a human to understand that philosophy.  I know I wouldn’t be that willing to accept me back.   Although, it would be so different if I were waiting on my own child to return.  The Prodigal.  I get it.  I totally understand it.  And it seems that daily, I am given the opportunity to become either an attentive child who loves her parent, or the rotten prodigal runaway who hopes for better from life without a parent.  God is so much more than just a parent.  Thank goodness, I am always His child; always welcome home; and always able to find Him.  He’s never more than a prayer away.   REMEMBER THAT (note to self).